Exclusively Pumping: The Highs and the Lows

By Clarissa Enos Plagmann

I didn't make my decision lightly, which is why it hurts when people tell me to "just breastfeed."

That first hour after giving birth was a little crazy. They put Emma at my breast while they cleaned her off, but she didn't immediately start breathing. She was on my breast less than a minute before they moved her across the room to help her breathe. By the time she came back to my breast, I was relieved just to be holding her. She immediately started rooting around for food. I, of course, showed her where it was and tried to help her latch. Bad idea. I knew nothing about breastfeeding and latching. By the time they took us to our hospital room, my nipple was in pain. The nurses tried showing Emma and me how to latch, but it was useless. By the end of that first night, both of my nipples were damaged and red, and it was way too painful for me to continue breastfeeding. I dreaded every time Emma started to cry because she was hungry. Both Preston and I were so worried that she wasn't eating, but whenever we'd mention our worries to a nurse they would say it was okay, babies don't need to eat in the first 24 hours, just keep trying, and then maybe they'd try to help me get Emma latched on. That went on the whole first day/night.

The next day, we finally got to see a lactation consultant at the hospital. She showed me a couple of breastfeeding holds and introduced me to a nipple shield. However, when it was still so painful I cried out in pain, she introduced me to the pump. As of today I have been pumping 3 months, 3 weeks, and 3 days, and although I've mourned the loss of breastfeeding at the breast, I don't regret it, because I have been able to give my daughter as much breastmilk as possible since then.

There has been pain, tears, anger, sadness, and approximately 15-50 minutes every 2-4 hours spent pumping, but I have managed to get somewhere between 13-20 ounces per day, and that is enough for my baby to benefit from the antibodies my body has made to protect her. And I don't feel like I've lost a special connection with her at all. I spend hours cuddling her, feeding her from a bottle, and playing with her. I just have to take a half an hour to an hour every few hours out to pump so she can drink my breastmilk. And, as far as I'm concerned, it's worth it.

I've been thinking about documenting this time of my life for awhile now, and I finally did it. Preston took some photos of me as I pumped this afternoon, and I have very carefully chosen the best of the photos to capture what I go through 6 times a day (currently), at: 5am, 9am, 12pm, 4pm, 8pm, and 11:30pm, sometimes with help, and sometimes without it. I don't know what I would do without the support of so many of my family and friends, but especially the support of my husband.



Next month is National Breastfeeding Awareness Month, and the first week of August is World Breastfeeding Week. Don't forget to offer your support and encouragement to those women in your life who have, or do, or will soon be feeding a little baby. Every part of feeding a baby (whether that's by breast, pumping, or formula) is very hard emotionally, physically, and in every aspect, but also so rewarding.

If anyone who reads this post has any questions at all, or if you know of anyone who might have questions about exclusively pumping, I am always willing to be of service. And if I don't know the answer to  your questions, I definitely know where to find the answers to your questions.

Happy Breastfeeding Awareness Month (in August)!